ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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