i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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