im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
