True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
