Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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