Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
