i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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