Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
