1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
