Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
