My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
3 2 1 whiskey
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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