put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
