I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
