the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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