dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Randomize
