I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
