the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
