your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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