I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
