So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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