god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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