listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
