you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
