Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
