I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
