So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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