Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
