hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
