I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
