dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize