You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
