I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
