I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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