I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
