Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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