I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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