Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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