I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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