I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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