I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
