Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
