You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
did you just send me my own nude
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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