remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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