You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
