Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
