You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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