We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize