i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
