The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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