if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
