Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
