i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
