I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
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