DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
