Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
