This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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