Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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