I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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