Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
