This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
