So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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