Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Oh god it's open bar.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
