my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
