i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
