I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
