I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
