I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
