she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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