I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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