My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
