My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
