i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
