You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
