I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
