Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
