ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
