I haven't been this sober since birth.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
