I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize