the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
