i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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