fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
