If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize