Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
