and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
