I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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